To be fixed- Need Clarity

How are you supposed to fix yourself when your mind doesn't even listen to you?

Gee..first sentence is already very confusing..@_@
I need my shrink, Mimi, i need you, you're the only one who can listen to my pathetic cries and stupid questions, you're the only one who's patient enough and who can sincerely understand and correct me.

Why do i easily get hurt when it comes to what he says, thinks or does? Why does he have to cause me so much pain, and he doesn't even know it...or maybe there's just something wrong with me, with the way i think. I'm too complex that i am even unable to comprehend my crooked logic.

When he fails to do something i hope he'd do, i feel sad. When he doesn't understand me well enough, i can get a bit mad. When he's not as sweet as i expect him to be (which the fact is, he isn't most of the time), i get really disappointed. When i try to step into his world, i feel my knees shaking, and he isn't there to hold my hands and guide me. When he's around with girls (which is like most most most of the time, bec his friends are, hmm..a lot are girls) i get so easily jealous; it could be my insecurity, or it could simply be normal, because he doesn't act like other boyfriends do, oh well, i shouldn't expect much, coz he's not anyway. When he says one thing, and does another, it's simply just frustrating. When my 'understanding' level is up to the brim, i'll just explode, breakdown and get terribly angry.

Why does he make me feel that i'm not good enough? Why do i feel so different from his world? Why does he go out so often with girl friends, even though they're friends, why am i bothered? Even if i close my eyes and turn the other way, there's pain..but why, i don't want to be jealous, but why, and how do i stop myself from feeling the way i do? Why can't he be there for me on the times that i need him...he's there sometimes, but i guess i always want to be taken care of as i always was...Why does he make me feel i'm fat, not pretty enough, not good enough, not everything enough? or is it just me and my psychotic mind?

Would it be better to stay away... I'm tired of crying, i want the tears to stop falling; i want to stop thinking about things that shouldn't really matter...